menyesalkah aku?

salam. i am sorry mak ayah dan semua orang. adik mintak maaf sangatsangat. i don't know why it have to be like this. i really wanted to come home during this raya haji. and i am home. tapi i don't know why i am acting like this. i am so depressed. i am so tense. dua hari berkurung dalam bilik, adik mintak ampun sepenuhnya. i know i am wrong, i know i am too emotional. tapi adik tak boleh nak lawan perasaan. lagi2 bila lepas jumpa doktor haritu. dua hari berkurung dalam bilik, i've been studying, belek buku tu blek buku ni. and i'm sorry adik tak keluar langsung dari bilik jumpa dengan semua orang.

sedihnyaaaaaaaaaaaa!

kalao dikenangkan smula, i was sooooooo happy dan tak sabar nak balik rumah. i wanted to be home. i really wanted to be close to mak ayah dan semua orang. lagi-lagi bila dah dekat nak exam SPM ni. tapi i dont know why, semuanya jadi macam ni. i admit my mistake of being such an egoistic person. tapi adik tak tahu. now, dua hari dah terbuang. adik tak jumpa sapesape. adik tak keluar bilik. and adik benci ingat semula kejadian jumpa doktor haritu.

i wanna meet mak. i wanna say my sorry to mak. nanti tak dapat dah jumpa mak. besok dah nak balik tumpat. minggu depan dah start exam. mak mesti sangat sdih kan anak dia buat perangai macamni? but i dont know how to face mak and adikberadik yang lain.


i wanna be in the kitchen too. i wanna join you guys gelakgelak. i wanna share my happiness. i wanna share my feeling. i wanna share many things with my sisters. but i have no guts to step out of the room. i am sorry.

(Ya Allah, kuatkanlah diri hamba-Mu.)


air mata mencurah-curah while i am writing this article. i miss mak. i miss ayah. i miss my anak-anak sedare. i miss everyone.