i am sorry i dislike you.

salam. well, i hate today. i don't know why i have to be like this tapi I TAK SUKA DOKTOR PERASAN TU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i know it would be like this, i would never balik terengganu for raya haji. everything sucks today. everything is spoilt because of the doctor. thank you so dead much for your pathetic words! thank you! i don't know why i should act like this. i don't know why i should feel annoyed by his words. it's hard to dislike people. but somehow, this doctor had finally buat i developed some strange hateness towards him. congratulations mr doctor. you are the worst thing that ever came into my life.

it all started this morning. i was informed bahawasanya nak pergi jumpa doctor. the doctor that my mak selalu sebut-sebut during phone calls. the doctor yang dipuji-puji sangat bagus. phui. and macam biasa kan, i would be very excited bila tahu nak pi jumpa doktor. punya lah i beriaberia tahan rasa nak makan for 2 hours. konon nak buat saliva test. meeting him, my mak and ayah yang buat tests dulu dengan dia. (i am sorry i  use dia instead of beliau. i lost my respect in him already) and i clearly ingat, i okay lagi pada masa tersebut. so when selesai both of them, i went to sit beside him. and dia mulakan lecture dia. OMAYYYY, i was there to check my sakit not to hear your lectureeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! he talked about how the cancer started, sejak zaman Nabi Adam berada dalam syurga. and many more things yang i dont even care to understand.

biasalah orang yang terlalu pandai, so bila bercakap memang bahasa tinggi. merapu-rapu. and i hate him bila dia cakap dia mengagungkan bahasa kampung. whoaaaaa. you sure ke doctor? get yourself sedar mr doctor! you cakap omputeh chocheichochei, is that what you called as mengagungkan bahasa kampung? phui. cakap tak serupa bikin. and i betul-betul berasap bila dia cakap, apa sangat bahasa inggeris tu. Malaysia tak maju sebab bahasa kita diceduk dari bahasa orang lain. dan Indonesia dikatakan maju sebab bahasanya adalah bahasa asal. oh yeah? then kenapa tak mintak nationality as Indonesian? konon Indonesia maju sebab buku-buku perubatan are all in bahasa Indonesia. open your eyes, you are Malaysian, you should have not condemn your own tanah tumpah.

the last thing i ingat, he asked sama ada i wanna further my study overseas, and i rushed out of the room, dan terus melimpah ruah air mata yang ditahan-tahan. i could not held my tears from pelting, even while in the room. i tak tahu why i really tak suka nak mampos dngan doktor tersebut. i am sorry. i tak respect you langsung mr doctor. i dont even care with your PhD thingy. i dont even care even you are the only one in this whole world who did your philosophy in your particular course.

you cakap lah anything about my sakit, i dont even mind. you kan merawat pesakit. bukan merawat penyakit (he said this to me) sebagus mana pun rawatan you, tapi i tetap tak boleh terima. and i am very sensitive when you cakap semua benda macam senang bila dikaitkan dengan my disease. hoh. you doctor, memang tak akan faham my condition and situation, lagi-lagi bila hidup di hostel. di Tumpat. terima kasih so much lah doctor, or should i mention your name here? tak payahla kot. i bukannya nak menjatuhkan you mr doctor. i just wanna express my feeling of dislikeness towards you.

i am so sorry mak, ayah. i betul-betul taknak pergi to the clinic again. you two nak pegi, go on. tapi jangan paksa i pergi. i would never go there again in my lifetime. ever. and i would not take the medicine, no. i am sorry. i can't.

(this is my third post and i already show my sisi yang kurang ajar. i am sorry)