Sementara menunggu bersiap for the second night of the programme, I am here to update some sorta things bout my new life hoho. Ni cam expressing myself lah kot hihi :D
Smalam ada Post-Ta'aruf programme. Basically we did it among our residence je, conducted by akak-akak facis. Ada solat maghrib and isyak jemaah in the middle of our residence. It was calming, but the thing is I'm not so comfortable to be there. Sebenarnya the exact words to explain what I'm feeling bout the thing are rendah diri. I always feel like that. And why? It's because I have to solat duduk, ignoring the fact that they all perform their solat like the way it shud be. And me? The feeling of envy and terasa diri sangat abnormal adalah satu perasaan yang tak dapat diluahkan.
Back in college, di awal kemunculan encik SLE, I did my solat like normally we all would do. And I remember the first time I had my solat secara duduk was when one night, we had Qiamulail. Waktu sujud, I could feel my tears were running down my cheeks. Perasaan yang sangat sukar digambarkan. Sedih. Rendah diri. It's just that I sedar by that time, I am not a normal person anymore. I have to solat duduk.
And that feeling struck me again last night. Disebabkan aku berada di kalangan mereka-mereka yang tidak mengenali aku, it's kinda hard to be explained. If I could, I just wanna told them loudly that I'm not so capable of doing what they do in the normal way. I can't, for now.
I hope you guys pray for me that I'll be back to normal, solat berdiri, and jalan naik turun tangga without feeling the pain. I really hope Allah would give me back the chance to feel those amazing great gifts. Allahuakbar.
Andd, to you guys out there, be grateful. Be thankful for all those things Allah rewarded you, whether your kesihatan, kejayaan and everything. Everything. Bersyukur laaaaah! Masa ni mungkin tak nampak lagi, but one day, if you ever experienced something like me, anda akan berfikir semula ke belakang, dan sedar how you hope you could live your past life back.
|with roommate, Merah|
Till the, have a nice evening everybodaaayyyhhhh and Assalamualaikum!